Anxiety Diary #4

Arriving no longer than 6 hours ago in my new 'home' of Manchester I've already spent an hour crying, and now on the brink of a panic attack.

My hands are shaking, my body feels like it's 200 degrees and I can't stop the feeling of terror filling up my lungs with every breath I take. I wish I was strong, I wish I didn't have anxiety, but here I am - on the brink of pure hell.

Tomorrow I have a job interview, great right? Wrong. In my mind, I'm going through all these scenarios and within 6 hours of being here I've already decided I've had enough and want to go back to London. I haven't given it a fair go, I've hardly discovered this place, yet I'm already giving up before I give it chance. Thanks anxiety.

So I've been here for all of 2 days and both days I've spent feeling anxious, often crying at the worst times (sorry people who were sitting next to us at the restaurant) walking around the supermarket and I can slowly feel this dark cloud following me around, the more corners I take the closer it gets and before I know it, I'm standing in the homeware isle trying not to crawl into a ball and have a panic attack.

I will however say that I haven't had a panic attack since being in Europe, I've had mini panic moments but no full blown panic attacks and for that I'm so proud! Little steps, tiny steps but still a step!